Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
