Apparently you make a good broom.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Is it penis luge time yet?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
