If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
