So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
