I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
