He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
