My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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