Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
