Come see our sink grown plant.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
