she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
