Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
