everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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