remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
