drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I stole a fireplace last night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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