omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
