It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
