Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
