I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It all started with a game of naked twister.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
