i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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