Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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