Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
