one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
