it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
