I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
