So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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