His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Randomize
