We named our party play list daddy issues
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
