Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
