My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
40s are totally the cure
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
