it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
