Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
