I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
