remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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