That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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