I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
