the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
