Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
