she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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