The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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