Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
