if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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