Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
