you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
