using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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