Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
