i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
