While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we're making bets on your personal life
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
