Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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