Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
