don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
