Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
