i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
